I asked him with my eyes to ask again yes and then he asked me would I yes to say yes my mountain flower and first I put my arms around him yes and drew him down to me so he could feel my breasts all perfume yes and his heart was going like mad and yes I said yes I will Yes. ~ Molly Bloom’s Soliloquy, “Ulysees”
I have always loved Molly Bloom’s Soliloquy, the last lines from the colossus that is “Ulysees.” For me it was always poetry, the firefly moment of passion before consummation. I have felt this emotion, thought these thoughts. I have been young and full of hope and hunger. Now that I am older, I understand clearly the longing for youth’s fire and abandon expressed in the tone of some of the rest of the last eight rambling sentences of the novel.
A couple of days ago, over on the Asiagoans blog, I lamented my lack of energy and drive. I felt bereft of any creativity. My brain felt like it had melted into pea soup.
I have these goals up on my whiteboard, and I stare at them every day. I wrote them down because they are more than goals – they are my fondest hope for myself. They represent What I Want To Be When I Grow Up. Some days, they seem to be too small, and others, they seem impossible. Each day, I sit here and look at them and chew my lip, trying to gauge where I am on that spectrum.
Today – they seem do-able. Today, I can see my way. Today, I can honestly say that I had at least 7 hours of sleep last night and didn’t eat crap yesterday. Today, I’m making my stand as a writer. Today, I’m going to live the dream, rather than just talk about it.
Today, in honor of Molly Bloom and in celebration of Bloomsday, I’m saying, “Yes, I can create, yes, oh yes I can write. Yes I am a poet and a novelist. Yes, I have something to say. Yes, I am going to live my dream, in spite of all of the rest of the crap that life throws at me. Yes, I will share my heart. Yes I said yes I WILL. Yes.”